Glenn Howerton Was a Door-to-Door Meat Salesman

Glenn Howerton Was a Door-to-Door Meat Salesman


-You have actually — You did
work with kids back in the day. You were — Was it
a theater camp counselor? Or just regular camp counselor? -Yeah, I worked at a summer camp called French Woods
in upstate New York. [ Clapping ]
Oh, what’s up? [ Laughter ] -French Woods sounds like
what you call it if you want to charge
a little bit more. [ Laughter ] -Yeah. The guy who runs the camp dresses like I’m dressed
right now. [ Laughter ] And he winks at you like this
when he signs you up. He’s like, “We’re gonna sign you
up for French Woods.” Yeah, no. So I actually — I was already doing theater
in college. And I actually wanted to do
something different. I wanted to go to the camp
and coach basketball because I’ve always loved
basketball. I’m not very good at it
but I’ve always loved it. And then they found out
that I was — they were like, “Oh, but you’re a theater guy.
So you should be doing theater.” So then I ended up, like,
co-directing, like, a 7-year-old production of
“Guys and Dolls.” [ Laughter ] Yeah, and now my son is 7
and I’m like, “How did I get these kids to do
‘Guys and Dolls?'” -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -It was incredible.
Like, this camp. It’s really an amazing camp. For the one guy
out there or gal… [ Laughter ]
…who actually knows what — -He will attest. -Yeah, you will attest
to French Woods is amazing. And they put on like 50 almost
professional-style productions at this camp every year. It’s like — it’s unbelievable. -But did you enjoy it? Did you like working with
7-year-olds? -I did, yeah. I didn’t really think I liked
kids that much when I — -Yeah.
-Yeah. I don’t know. I thought kids were just
annoying and stupid. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -I don’t think you’re far off. I do think having your own kids,
like, makes you re-evaluate. I always thought kids were
annoying and stupid, and now I have them.
-Well, they are stupid. They don’t know anything. -Yeah, they’re definitely
stupid. Yeah. -Yeah, they don’t know — yeah.
[ Laughter ] They don’t know nearly
as much as you and I do. -And they think
they know everything. -Yeah.
And you just want to go — And you can’t say this
’cause they’re kids. But you want to go, “You stupid
idiot, you don’t know anything.” [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. -You don’t know —
You don’t know squat, buddy. -Yeah.
The amount I want to say like, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re here. I never would have known
that’s a tree.” -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] “That’s a tree, Daddy.”
-Yeah. -Yeah, like I didn’t know
that was a tree. Stupid idiot.
[ Laughter ] Then I went to this camp and I
started working with these kids. And after the first day,
actually, they were so — they put me in
the bad kids bunk. -Oh, wow.
-So, not only was I teaching. But you have to be like — you have to be in the bunk with
the kids. I was like these kids
are a nightmare. They stuck me with the kids who
wanted to play rock ‘n’ roll. They stuck me with, like, the rock camp kids
and the skater punk kids. And I was like, I just —
I’m also a kid. I’m like 19 years old. I’m like I can’t handle these
11-year-old punks. But then after a couple of days
I was like, I don’t know. I started making jokes
with them. And then we became buddies. And then I realized,
I kind of like kids. They’re still idiots.
-Yeah. -But I don’t know.
[ Laughter ] -When you then left, were you,
kind of, shocked to, like, reintegrate yourself with people
your own age? Were you like,
“I’m really cool.” And then you realized you were, like, doing comedy
for 11-year-olds? -Yeah, exactly. Right.
[ Laughter ] No, I think
what I actually realized after I reintegrated myself was I actually like kids
better than I like adults. -Yeah, people your own age.
Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-That’s what you realized. You also, I have to ask,
before you go, you had a job
that I don’t think anyone who’s ever been on the show
has ever had before they became an actor. You were a door-to-door
meat salesman? -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] This is —
[ Laughter ] -Oh, wait, no. Meryl Streep.
I forgot. Meryl Streep. -Yeah. She also had that job.
[ Laughter ] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had some weird jobs.
-Yeah. -I really did. I had some
very, very strange jobs. That was definitely
the strangest, though. And that is a true story. I was almost like, you know,
my first job was at Chick-Fil-A. I was like, “I just don’t want
to work at Chick-Fil-A anymore.” And I also had a job at a Mitsubishi factory,
cleaning parts and stuff. And I was like,
“I don’t want to do that” because it just was gross. Although, driving the forklift
was fun. But, anyway, I was like, “How can I make a little bit
more money?” I saw an ad,
“Sell meat door to door.” [ Laughter ] And I was like, “I can do that.
I can sell anybody meat.” You know what I mean?
[ Laughter ] So, literally driving around
in a refrigerated truck, knocking on people’s doors
and being like, “Hey, so, we got meat.”
[ Laughter ] “All the classic cuts you love.” -Just unsolicited,
knocking on doors selling meat. -Completely unsolicited.
-Yeah. -My favorite response was I went
to a guy’s door and, you know, I knocked on the door. I said, “Hey, so” — you know,
and I go into my shpiel. You know, “We got meats and we
got the T-bone cuts and this –” You know what I mean?
I wasn’t doing that accent. [ Laughter ] And he goes — and this was
Montgomery, Alabama, by the way. So, he looks at me and he goes, “Yeah, I bought meat from y’all
one time. Tasted like Windex.” [ Laughter ] I was like, “So that’s a no?”
[ Laughter ] It’s all F.O. I’m going to F.O. And you can get back
to your normal meat, sir. Whatever meats you normally — -Well, I hope he found
his regular meats. And I’m glad you found the path
that you found. I’m very happy you’re here. You did dress like this as a meat salesman as well,
though, right? -Absolutely.
[ Laughter ] Who are you gonna buy meat from,
you know? Some schmuck in a T-shirt
or this guy? -Thanks so much for being here,
Glenn. It’s always a pleasure.

100 thoughts on “Glenn Howerton Was a Door-to-Door Meat Salesman”

  1. I really like AP Bio. It's really funny. Nice ensemble. The scene where he's being broken down by the nuns is a bit rough to watch but good

  2. Like when you go to a steakhouse and order a well done steak and complain when it comes out dry your the one who ordered it well done you stupid idiot

  3. I am kind of amazed at how bad Seth Meyers is at his job. He's just terrible at conversation, no offense.

  4. Also, WHAT UP, FRENCH WOODS. I died laughing when he started talking about the “11-year-old rock program kids”. I was once a 12 -year-old Rock Shop kid. Oof.

  5. Ha! Didnt know that was an actual thing when I filmed this meat salesman short film

    https://youtu.be/ktUkJzSThsA

  6. Another reason to why IASIP is such a fantastic show is that Glenn (Dennis) actually was a camp counselor to which in "The Gang Runs for Office" episode was "accused of raping" one of the campers. Brilliant.

  7. I used to be a meat boy, I had a bunch of meat on my BMX and on my route I would toss it into people's front yards. It was a simpler time.

  8. So F$%CKING glad that Glenn is being welcomed to late night shows!! Always Sunny deserves awards!!!

  9. Ya know……I saw the thumbnail for this vid, looked at his jaw line, thought about his acting and one thought leaped into my mind: Glenn should be the new Batman. He could play an amazing off kilter Bruce Wayne….just a little nuts and on the edge. Man that would have been interesting.

  10. When he would knock on the door then say ‘hello’ as a meat salesman he would be doing what we call in the business a “Meat and Greet”

  11. Yeah…ya know we got meats 😉
    I’ve actually heard of this type of thing. So. So. So fucking weird. I’ll stick to buying my meat at a grocery not out of the back of your meat wagon. It’s a hard pass for me.

  12. Glenn Howerton didn’t do well as a door to door meat salesman…….

    Because of the IMPLICATIONS!

  13. I had the same job, selling meat – It was actually really high quality stuff, but it was so weird to do, and there was so much pressure to get people to buy large quantities.

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